My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
