Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
