dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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