she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
