What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
