I hate your face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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