quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
