i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
