I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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