I wish you could order shots online.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
