I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
