I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
