Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
