youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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