All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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