I skipped work to stalk him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
