I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need moral support for this bender
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
