yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
