can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
