Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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