I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
