I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
