just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
