Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
