I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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