I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
