you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
