They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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