you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
