Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
