and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
