I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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