Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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