i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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