Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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