if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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