I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
