we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
