ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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