Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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