You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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