you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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