Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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