It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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