I CAN MOONWALK!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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