Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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