Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
please come you make the beer taste better
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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