she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I puked a lego.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
