I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
