i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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