I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
