Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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