last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
