i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
PANTIES FOUND
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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