You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
