Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
