i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
