I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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