PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
