i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
