When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
