Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just found puke in my bra..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
and you fell through a lawn chair
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
