i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
