I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone shattered a urinal.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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