I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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