A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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