Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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